Number of times I've assaulted a police officer: 2

Number of times I've been tasered: 0

I am mostly a well-behaved and not-at-all-imposing person, and I think I only left one small bruise on that one dude that one time, but it's probably a really good thing that I got old and creaky and slightly mellower before tasers became popular, because apparently it doesn't take all that much these days.